chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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