I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
