who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You need Xanax blowdarts
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
