when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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