1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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