dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
