how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i think i just lost a toe
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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