Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The feeling are messing with the penis
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
