Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
