i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
