HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize