I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
A bitchslap is in order.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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