So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
