So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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