Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
