Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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