The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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