I hate your face
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
