you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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