I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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