i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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