If that was your dad, he is hot
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
