What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Randomize
