I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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