I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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