I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Let's get the cat blown out
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
