We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
