last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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