Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I smell like Dick and happiness
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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