like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
