He is such a slut. More and more my type.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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