apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
