I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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