i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
