Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
