I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
