So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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