is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize