...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
