Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
