My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
