I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
