Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
