i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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