dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
