I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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