dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
