i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
