Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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