Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
