its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
