I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
