guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
