So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
