Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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