This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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