Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
