I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She even gives head with a lisp.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
