Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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