nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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