You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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