If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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