so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
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