Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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