anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
