I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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