so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
