Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
