The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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