So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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