A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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