don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
