so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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