I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
