if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We need to rekindle our bromance
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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