well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize