but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I need moral support for this bender
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize