so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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