If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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