You really coming over, don't trick.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
