A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
not ubering you a puppy
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
