sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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