he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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