It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize