i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
