god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
