It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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