Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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