She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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