i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
