it was like his penis was on wheels.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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