i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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