bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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