Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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