I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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