just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
