I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We are two peas in an std pod
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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