For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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