wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
