what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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