So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Panties = found
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
